Saboteurs
Its often those closest to you that get in your way
The majority of my training career with in person clients was spent working with people who were novices to exercise and health.
They didnt aspire to live to be FIT, rather they wanted to be fit to LIVE. Their goals were having good bloodwork, losing bodyfat, being relatively lean, and feeling strong and confident with their body. Health was a platform for the other areas of their life
Side note-At any given time, this is the majority of the market for the health and fitness industry. I always remind fitness professionals of this. The “hardcore” market of people is a much much smaller market.
The challenges to becoming health are numerous, and often center on the struggles of the individual; forming good habits, mindset, time management, hunger (although GLPs alleviate this)
One significant obstacle that is often overlooked is the resistance of Others
Said simple, the biggest obstacle to becoming healthy will often be those closest to you.
This tends to catch people off guard, and is painful to experience. Its an uncomfortable realization; the people that you believed cared about you and had your interest at heart are upset that you are trying to be healthy.
We have silent contracts with all of our loved ones
They know you as someone that does not exercise. They know you as someone that does not prioritize health. They know you as someone that likes to drink, or likes to eat, or the fat friend.
Or the fat spouse.
And now you are changing that, and its disruptive to their understanding of your identity. You are violating their ideas and expectations about you. And they are mad at your for it. They are not encouraging. They are upset
How Do You Handle This?
If you have 100% supportive friends and family, you are very blessed and should be appreciative.
If you do not, you need to be prepared. These are my lessons for you
1. Be vigilant for resistance
The day you make the decision to become a better version of yourself and assert agency is a great day. But do not expect automatic support from your entire social circle. As you begin to make changes and demonstrate new habits, you will find that not everyone supports this. Cynical comments, snark, confusion, questioning can come in unexpected way. Some people may be more resistant to your efforts than others. You cannot anticipate where this will all come from, but simply recognizing it is half the battle to dealing with it.
2. Do not compromise yourself
In the midst of holding yourself accountable to your new actions and habits, you will have people trying to get you stop, slow down, do less, be less obvious about it, do not give into any of this.
You must hold your ground. The new version of your life that you are creating is not going to be found in negotiating with people who want you to stay the same.
3. Remove yourself from pathogenic relationships and environments
This is understandably challenging, but it must be done. You are never going to win a war against a diseased environment. You are never going to transform friends and family who want you to be fat and unhappy and resent you for breaking out of the cycle. You become a mirror to all their insecurities and failures and they will resent you for it.
Likewise, if your job and work life are a major drag on your health, you MUST change that. Whether it takes a month or a year, you cannot allow that diseased status quo to persist unchecked.
4. Put people in their place
You will need to have uncomfortable conversations. There will be tension. There might be insults or arguments. Again, no compromising, hold your ground. If you can change the terms of a relationship and someone is accepting, fantastic. If not, then minimize interaction, or remove them from your life. Not everyone you know is going to be good for you
5. Health comes from Coherence
Coherence means alignment between your mindset, your actions, your relationships, your environment. Its another way of saying “holistic” but is more defined by logical consistency between all the different parts. People who are healthy “by default” have coherence between all areas of their life. Their inner world and outer world are in a virtuous cycle.
En Summa
Do not let anyone stop you.